What if...

Welcome to the next installment of the ‘what if’ scenario of Ghostbusters 2, whereby Vigo the Carpathian’s evil plot to conquer the world succeeds, the Ghostbusters are vanquished and Janosz realizes his ultimate ambition to marry Dana Barrett. 

 

   When we last left off, Janosz was immersed in domestic affairs, struggling to adapt to the sudden pressures of raising the hybrid Vigo-Oscar, or Viscar for short. Doubtlessly, Dr. Poha finds his loyalty tested as Viscar slowly grows into the powerful magician with shiny gold locks that he is destined to become. But for a moment, let's forego the doubtlessly hilarious disciplinary issues that Janosz is sure to encounter with his demonic foster child, and instead focus on some very key issues that were brought up in the second film itself, particularly Janosz's new found penchant for dressing in women's clothes. As you may recall, Dr. Poha dressed himself in the guise of a sinister nanny whilst kidnapping Oscar from the late Peter Venkman’s apartment. I've always found it curious that Vigo's evil strategy evolved to such bizarre socio-sexual extremes, so much so that I can't help believing that the Carpathian had very little to do with its initial formulation. Yes, folks, I suspect that the nanny card that was played was ALL Janosz. 

   When it was somehow heard through the ectoplasmic grapevine that Oscar was going to be babysat by the hapless, French bread pizza-loving Jeanine Melnitz and Louis Tully, Vigo summoned his obedient lackey Janosz to the museum to finalize plans for the procurement of said "b-aaay-beee" for a standard demonic possession session. Vigo suggests that they make another go of capturing Oscar with pink slime via the plumbing system, perhaps through Venkman's toilet this time. 

   Visibly underwhelmed with this suggestion, Janosz offers a counter-proposal, sprawling out on the floor, once more humbling himself before Vigo to gain his favor (after all, it seemed to work when he suggested that he be Vigo's step-dad in the first place). So, as Vigo anxiously awaits Janosz's idea, he is shocked to learn that the kidnapping plan invokes what Janosz refers to as the 'necessity' of crossdressing. Certainly, this must have wiped that smug look clean off of Vigo's face.

"WTF?"

   Janosz insists that Vigo hear him out, pulling out the duffle bag that he lugged with him on the bus to the museum. Inside is a nanny outfit that Janosz had long ago stolen from his Aunt Anca's closet, complete with the gray wig she used to wear to hide the fact that she was hideously bald. In Vigo's presence, during what was surely an awkward four minutes, Janosz put on the outfit and femininely walked around the museum a little bit to get into character and make sure the old woman shoes were comfortable. Sensing a socially unpleasant alternative, Vigo quickly agrees that this will do just fine and 'ghostified' Janosz so that he could whisk away on the evening breeze and kidnap Oscar. 

   After the positive reinforcement of Vigo acquiescing to Janosz’ suggestion, this writer posits that Poha’s drag-queen tendencies probably didn’t stop there, out of necessity of reaffirming the comfort bond that was propagated when he swiped Oscar in the nanny garb . Being left alone in Dana’s apartment for several hours at a time almost definitely would have been conducive towards more experimentation, with Janosz frantically rummaging through her closet to pin down any other attractive garment arrangements. Casual nanny outfits, business nanny, and his personal favorite- the happily-cooking nanny outfit, itself a winning combination of Dana’s cello-playing dress coupled with her prized Paula Dean apron. 

That’s right y’all- Janosz built this up to a science, and may truly be considered to be a pioneer in the realm of cross-dressing. That is to say- cross-dressing with demonic intent. Take THAT, Ru Paul!