Janosz Poha Fan Blog: February 2011

Did you ever stop to wonder just what may have happened if Vigo’s plan had actually proven successful? Yes, yes, if you consider that question, it may inspire some to say ‘Well, it WASN’T successful so the question is irrelevant’. Let’s suppose for the sake of this Janosz fan site that the positively-slimed Statue of Liberty (which was of course carrying the day-saving Ghostbusters) ended up tripping over that NYPD car on Fifth Avenue instead of crushing it beneath its heel. Lady Liberty would have taken quite a tumble, crushing hundreds of spectators and spilling the Ghostbusters out onto the pavement like discarded slushees. The sight of this would have undoubtedly reinforced the negative vibes of the Tri-State populace and thus- further cemented the hold of the slime fortress which had amassed around the Museum. Inside--where the diabolical ritual was taking place to house Vigo’s spirit in poor Oscar’s tiny body—the experiment would have met with no resistance and come to full fruition at the stroke of midnight.

Okay, so it’s done! Vigo has transmigrated into Oscar, no Ghostbusters have come to salvage New Year’s Eve, and Janosz is now free to marry Dana and raise Vigo-Oscar (Viscar) as the future ruler of the world.

Doesn’t that sound nice?

Well, it wouldn’t have been a total cakewalk, I’m guessing. The happy family would then have to deal with some very practical concerns that Janosz probably hadn’t been anticipating when he made good on his verbal contract with the Sorrow of Moldavia. This hypothetical scenario assumes that early on, Dana realized the futility of opposing Janosz and decided to stick around; after all she couldn’t very well just abandon her son now could she? In his effort to convince Dana of the pros of siding with evil, Janosz touted the advent of a nice apartment and free parking as ‘perks’ to raising Viscar. I don’t know if you’ve ever lived in Manhattan, but landlords are generally hesitant to award free lodgings to every Tom, Dick and Harriet that proclaim their dominion over all of Nature. So, at least in the beginning, Janosz probably ended up having to move in with Dana for some time while they sorted their financial affairs. Having both lost their jobs at the Museum over what was deemed ‘vandalism’ in the viewing gallery that doubled as a satanic marriage chamber; Janosz and Dana have to start completely from scratch. Dana would have had to take back her job with the orchestra full-time, and Janosz would have been left with Viscar during the day.

This arrangement must have proven awkward, to say the least. Having witnessed the dark glory of Vigo’s presence inside the painting, Janosz is now faced with a helpless, drooling incarnation of Vigo that is still learning how to inhabit its own body- and is forced to deal with him for a good 12 hours each day. Is it safe to assume that Janosz perhaps lost a little respect for his master during these trying times? A grown man trying to be subservient to a 12 pound shit-factory would be taxing on ANYONE’s patience. Certainly on many-a-night, Dana must have come home from work, exhausted from playing that damned cello, only to be greeted at the front door by a frustrated Poha, looking at himself and asking “Why am I drippings with poo?”